Jesus, cast a look on me. Give me sweet simplicity. Make me poor and keep me low. Seeking only Thee to know.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Does a relationship with Christ=peace?
I thought it did but am now unclear. My relationship with Christ is stronger than ever before and yet I still lack peace...let me clarify.
Not peace in my soul, that was found when I accepted that Christ sacrificed Himself on the cross to pay the debt of my sins.
I am chasing peace in my daily life.
Once I began to live for Him, it is impossible to live in "blissful denial". Do you know people like that? They seem to float thru life blissfully unaware of reality, focused only on themselves and finding pleasure. Are they that simplistic, or ignorant? Are they unaware, or uncaring? Is it just me, or do any of you have thoughts like this running through your head cONSTANTLY???
Once I was introduced to the problem of child soldiers in the can I NOT think about it?
Once I saw the children in Argentina walking barefoot through raw sewage, how could I even be drawn to a $100 pair of boots I pass in the department store??
Once I looked in the eyes of those babies in Africa whose bellies are swollen from malnutrition, how dare I act like 'What am I in the mood for... Mexican or Italian?' is even a real question??
Any yet, what can I do?
I could fast, but would that help? It may help in my relationship with Christ but that is self-serving.
I could donate all that I have to one of above said in need, but what about the others mentioned and not mentioned?
And why is the pain of strangers on another continent affecting my daily life and relationships??
That is where I am struggling to find bALANCE.
My 1st priority when it comes to service in glorifying Him and furthering His kingdom HAS TO START AT HOME.
But, there is a fine line between joyfully fulfilling my responsibilities to my husband and children and using that as an "excuse" to find selfish pride and false fulfillment through my role and "superMOM" and/or "the good wife".
Do u know what I mean?
I've seen women who have, to me, abused their role as wife/mom. Meaning, their priority has taken an ugly turn somewhere from the pure, with thanksgiving act of self-sacrificial service to her husband and children into a "keeping up with the Joneses", competitive lifestyle of having the cutest kids, nicest house, and most charming husband; all while always wearing the perfect outfit, with a sparkling smile, and not a hair out of place.
Whew, I'm exhausted just writing this post.
And these are the thoughts that run thru my head daily.
sIMPLICITY is what my soul is crying out for. And that doesn't mean nothingness. That doesn't mean relaxation or quietness.
How can I serve others in need, take care of my family while enjoying them and not taking one moment for granted, and still have pEACE?
Anyone, anyone?

A typical day in my life goes a little something like this:
Wake up to the glorious sound of my children's laughter and/or footsteps in the other room. My heart smiles and I thank God for another day with them. As I roll out of bed I pray for strength and patience to do His will today. I take a few minutes to make the bed and open the blinds, letting in the beautiful sunshine...ahhhh, peace and joy.
aND tHEN...
kids need breakfast
husband has questions and needs to discuss plans
phone is ringing...MS Blood Services is in desperate need of platelets
cell phone is beeping...a text about my son's football practice
dirty dishes are lined up across the counter top waiting to be loaded, as soon as I can UNLOAD the clean ones
cats are meowing on the back porch-must remind my son to go feed them (DON'T FORGET TO TURN OFF ALARM BEFORE HE OPENS THE DOOR)
EwWWW-what did I just step on-part of my daughter's banana
need to sweep floor.
Answer my son's question about endangered animals that we learned about last week
husband's cellphone is now ringing and he tells me the pestcontrol guy is coming on Thursday
Baby has a dirty diaper
Have I eaten yet?
A poptart would be faster but oatmeal is better for me-make oatmeal
Time to start school with my son
Put baby down for nap
Homeschool my son for next 2 hours
While he has "recess", check my email and make phone calls
Baby crying
Time for lunch...make lunch for both kids while eating a pb sandwich
Text from my friend-I wonder if we could meet for coffee...oops baby crying!
Let's go outside and enjoy this beautiful day...
Keep baby away from bat poop in our yard...tell my son to stop throwing rocks-and put shoes on if you're going to ride that bike! are occupied, maybe I can get some work done on my artwork-nope, sound of miter saw scared kids.
baby eating sand...wash her off with the water hose, send son in to get her a towel; now she's cold so she starts crying
Carry her in, dry her off, dress her, get her something to drink-
Son wants a snack...stop and think what to suggest to him as a healthier option than the candy that he is asking for-
back to baby. Give her some love, time for afternoon nap.
I really need to use the restroom.
Husband calls-try to sound cheerful. Don't dump all your stress on him.
Back to homeschooling-doorbell rings-
2 more hours of homeschooling(if baby doesn't wake up) and disciplining my son; as it is late in the afternoon now and he is tired and defiant.
So tired of spanking him-but Proverbs 22:15 says "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him"
Done with school-"Can I watch TV, Mom?" Want to say 'no' but need a break so I cave-'yes'
Maybe I can get some sewing done-baby crying
Love on baby, give her snack, tell son to turn off tv and play with sister-talked back-spanking
Husband home-"Hi, honey!"
Have I even brushed my hair today? Look in mirror. Woa. Time for a haircut-when can I fit that in??
Husband starts on supper(yes, I am a lucky girl!) as I hide in the bathtub from the kids-not very relaxing, however, b/c I can hear the kids crying and/or shrieking from the kitchen
Eat dinner with family-talk to husband a/b what's coming up on the agenda
Time to clean up kitchen-baby taking out dirty dishes as I put them in the dishwasher
We should really go out for a walk-let's go for a walk everybody!
Tell son to put on shoes(again) if he's going to ride his bike
Got a late start so mosquitoes are out-got bit
Back at home my son wants dessert
Give baby a bath-ready for bed(don't forget her medicine!!)
Now 8:00 p.m.-kids are in bed, husband is comfortably in front of tv
Check email, wrap present for baby shower, print flyer for church, sew dolls for Canton Flea Market, tackle basket(S) of clean clothes overflowing on my bedroom floor-
Phone ringing-Bible study started tonight?!? oops.
Text beeping-wish I could meet her for a movie...
I've gotta get some sleep-
Once in bed,reach for Bible (I really should read my Bible more than once a day! But when?)
Look at clock-is it really 11:30??
Start dozing off as I'm reading...

sERIOUSLY-this is a typical day.
So what can I cut out?

  • Taking care of my kids will not be compromised.
  • Keeping house tidy? I already have Danny & Sharon come in every other week to help me clean! The floor has to be swept and laundry has to get done.
  • My crafts? Maybe, but its therapeutic!
  • Service? please no. I am called to serve! James 2:14-17 (The Message)
    "Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?"

    Matthew 25:41–46 (NKJV)
    “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me "

    In describing a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-28(The Message) "She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor."

I am so weird. Do other people think like this or should I get some professional help?? Baha!


  1. Geezz Amy, you are overloaded. Just reading that made me exhausted. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! :)

    I'll keep you in my prayers as you seek balance in your life.

  2. I was so touched by your entry actually. I have felt this issue tug at my heart too. And the questions you ask, I ask too, and so many of them are heavy, heavy questions! I know I am working on not being "supermom" because you are right, it can become a a stumbling block to who really deserves the Glory! Thank you for your honest sharing, you are not alone, and you are not crazy! May the Lord bring clarity and peace to your mind in the task he has laid out before you!